RPGamer Readers - Staff Rant  

You All Suck and I Want to Die
by Adriaan den Ouden

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Not much of one
- You all suck.
- Seriously, every last one of you.
- I could not hate you more if I tried.
- And if anyone calls this review "Epic" or "Win" I will break their shins.
- Really, I will track you down and break your shins.
- And your Xbox. Your shins and your Xbox and/or PlayStation.
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   After three years working for RPGamer, my utter loathing for you people is at an all-time high. Whether it's your general lack of tact (which I am now about to ironically mimic — yes, I am aware of that you self-righteous ninnies!) or your abject refusal to accept The Truth (read: everything I have or will ever say), this infuriating cesspool of dorks, dicks, and dummies grows larger and more infuriating by the day. So it's time to take off the gloves and tell you what I really think of you. RPGamer's Readers, reviewed!

   Let's start with the obvious, shall we? Subtlety certainly isn't the way to go with readers like you. The lack of intellect displayed here on a regular basis truly boggles the mind. Simply deciphering some of the cryptic and nonsensical jabbering you people waste precious bandwidth on is a task of Herculean proportions. This leads to further idiocy as other oxygen-deprived halfwits try and fail at breaking the code, and then post idiotic responses that make even less sense than the original post! It's like playing a bad game of telephone.

   But this doesn't even compare to the sheer lack of manners displayed by some, indeed almost all of you. It seems as if nobody can voice an opinion without half a dozen loudmouth malcontents stepping in to insult them and everything they have or will ever love. I would like to point out that that is entirely different from what I'm doing now, as I consider you all equally obnoxious and am thus not singling out any particular individual, no matter how much I would like to. Most of you fail to even provide sensible reasoning behind your statements, you just lash out violently for no apparent reason. But this goes back to the intelligence thing, which I believe I've thoroughly covered.

WTF??? WTF???

   The lack of creativity you all display is equally disappointing. I swear, it seems as if all anyone can think to do is modify a quotation or post some stupid pop culture image with a tacky and generally misspelled slogan on it. Is actual wit so far gone from the internet that we've been reduced to this? Writers and artists have been coming up with clever ways to insult and humiliate those who deviate from the general consensus for centuries, and yet all anyone can come up with today is a stupid phrase on a picture of a cat?

   And when you're not being abrasive, you're being insane! Just how far is this "underboob" thing going to go? It seems to come up in ninety percent of the forum threads that get created. And don't even get me started on the drivel that shows up in the "Say Anything" thread. Who's idea was it to give these people an open invitation to say whatever pops into their disturbed and unbalanced minds?

   The stupidity even manages to make the forums unbearable to look at, thanks to dozens of crude avatars. Even more mind-boggling is the number of male forum-goers with female avatars and androgynous handles. Whether or not they're gender-confused in the real world is something only they can know, but the rest of us are most definitely confused. We get it: she's hot. Making it a representation of yourself? Kinda creepy.

   The only people with any semblance of sanity in this hellhole are the practitioners of the role-playing arts who hide in the Saving Throw section of the forum, but they wisely avoid the rest of this circus, and I frankly can't blame them. The rest of you just plain suck. Period. But at least you're still better than the folks at GameFAQs. Actually, when I think about what those poor schmucks have to deal with, you guys really aren't that bad.

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