The War Against the Grammar Nazis - Staff Review  

If I Ever Find the Demon of Incorrect Grammar, I'm Gonna Exercise Him!
by Tyler Willis

Hard, especially to morons
20 to life


Rating definitions 

The time: World War II.
The place: Germany.
The plot: The Grammar Nazis, a little known branch of the SS, are in full-gear, taking ellipses and kicking colons. Mass panic ensues at the largest semi-weekly Bratwurst newsletter publishing barn when a raid catches editors and proofers with their pants down, semicolons exposed and all.
The mission: Level up. In the process of leveling up, defend against the Grammar Nazis and their operatives, the Punctinators, by using grammar well. You are the last, best hope for the grammarians of The Wurst Brat Ate My Bratwurst.

Gameplay consists entirely of killing grammar errors. A list of common enemies is the best review for an RPG of this nature.

Apostrophe: Not a fighter, more a thief. Possessives will be relocated right into being. Subtle and very devious member of the Punctinators.

Bracket: Grammar Nazis will pound anyone who doesn't fill one out. Be sure to always finish a bracket off, there's nothing worse than an open-ended bracket. It wrecks havoc upon everything after it. Potentially very devastating.

Carets: An even more attractive form of the tilde. Do not be seductified!

Colons: During WWI, a death squad was sent against these guys; the result: the colons wrecked em. Misinformed grammarians believe that it's simply a double period, useful in overstating an end. Poor people. The Grammar Nazis will take that attitude and shove it right up your - flagpole. And let it limply wave around a bit as random passersby will make fun of this increasingly bizarre metaphor.

The lesser cousin of the Microsoft Office PaperClip, ie "Clippy," this pencil is no pushover. The lesser cousin of the Microsoft Office PaperClip, ie "Clippy," this pencil is no pushover.

Comma: The prevailing theory is that these are the guys who couldn't get into the Communist Party and settled for fascism. Consequently, they have a bit of an inferiority complex and try to apply themselves everywhere, even places they're really not needed. Their most devastating attack is the Shotgun Commae, in which they simply pepper a sentence with commas, inserting themselves into ordered lists, unordered lists, in-order numerical lists, lists with a conjunctions, lists with a lisp, after introductory one-time adverbs, pathetic parenthetical phrases, in collusion with quotations, when speaking of unfathomably large numbers in ransom notes, and generally, in completely, ran,dom spots. The Grammar Nazis love to see lots of commas as it tends to result in a sweeping red ink campaign and lots of suspicion. Often works with conjunctions to form the deadly run-on.

Exclamation Mark: The snipers of the Punctinators, these guys take our periods with a headshot. Once in place, they scream! out for attention, betraying critical grammar positions. Don't let them infiltrate!

Homonyms: If their's won thing Grammar Nazis dislike, its a baldly used homonym inn an effort too bee two cleaver. Know Homo's!

Period: Female grammarians tend to have the most trouble with this little guy. Often mistaken for a small dot, the period is a versatile warrior in the fight against grammar Nazis. Not only does he use insurgent tactics for acronyms, he'll occasionally stop up an abbreviation or two in an effort to confuse and bewilder poor, innocent readers. But his biggest deal is that he bats cleanup for the Punctinators and almost always has the last thought on anything.

Question Mark: Something that even the Punctinators are unsure of; it's a mystery. Except when used pretentiously by rhetoricians, understand?

Difficulty raised by 10 when turned on side. Difficulty raised by 10 when turned on side.

Quotation Mark: Comes in two varieties, the single and the double-wide. Another tricky opponent that requires two hits in order to be defeated. Beware of the dreaded stacked quote or hidden quotes; these fell foes fell foolish fops.

Run-On: What happens when stream of consciousness meets ee cummings? For the dirty minded, it's a fairly grisly image. For a Grammar Nazi, it's a completely horrid scene, one in which they take no pity whatsoever, splaying about with red ink; of course, run-ons are one of the most devious ploys of the Punctinators, as it is not simply a punctuation mark itself, but a strung-together string of superlative misuses of random prepositional phrases, forming what might otherwise - if the makers of this game were to make robot anime, hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, flying fist - form a giant punctuation robot, capable of tylerwillising entire novel chapters (novel, in the sense of long book - longer than a novella or novelette - not novel in the sense of being original) and thus punching a hole in the space-time continuum. Run-Ons are bad news.

Semicolon: The result of a slightly incestuous relationship between a comma and a colon, this inbred yokel don't get no respect; mostly because the few people who remember his existence tend to misuse him. Not common, but usually results in an arrest by the Grammar Nazis.

Sentence Fragments: Incomplete thoughts usually caused by a grenade to the brain, these

Tilde: Often given out as a bonus by seeming do-gooder Grammar Nazis, these Punctinators are simply a diversion. Ignore and aim for the real evil.

Aurally, the game does not offer much beyond a few head asplosions when the puns are read aloud. Graphically, expect lots of black and white, with great stains of red.

Overall, more of an intense FPS than an RPG. Since RPGamers don't like FPSers, then the game, by definition, is not fun and completely derivative. Expect sequels.

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