Final Fantasy X - SPOOF!

A Legend In Its' Time

By: Desh

Review Breakdown
   Battle System 0
   Interface ?
   Music/Sound 0
   Originality 0
   Plot ?
   Localization -10
   Replay Value Lulu
   Visuals ...
   Difficulty Confusing
   Time to Complete

Can't Remember


Title Screen

   I can't remember the last time I played a game as grossly inappropriate as this one. As the game progressed, more and more indecency was exposed and shown off as good! As if Tifa from Final Fantasy VII wasn't bad enough... NOW we have a character who's neckline is her nipples and hem is... well... what hemline? And then there's the whole thing about death! The only thing I really liked was that there was this big thing called Sin which would destroy everything every now and then because people are naturally bad.

   Well, since I'm forced to talk about the battle system, here goes. I was rather confused when they changed their engine. I prefer the age-old ATB system, where many fights turned into a button-mashing war, which I can win 'cause it's mindless. This new system makes you think! I can't believe that Square would have the audacity to make us take our minds off of screensaver mode just to pay attention to and strategize violence. It's just not right!

   I don't understand what interface is.

More Cruelty To Animals!
More Cruelty To Animals! 

   I had to mute the sound on the television when playing this for fear that, at any moment, they might have Lulu do a stripshow and cheesy porn music would start playing. Also, the voices sounded too much like real people, and I can't stand real people. They always act like I'm so stuck up and overly zealous about morals. I'm not! That kid down the road DESERVED being impaled for swearing... he did! And they say I'm heartless... it's not my fault! It's a medical condition that I can't change. Now you're discriminating, and I don't have to take it!

   Whew, not that that's done, I can say how incredibly unoriginal this whole thing was. First off, the battle system was completely changed from the previous six games, which in itself is a travesty. If there's one thing my mommy taught me, it's not to break from tradition. So, originality is BAD! I could have given it a higher score just to show how much I don't like it, but that might give off the wrong impression and I hate giving off the wrong impression because first impressions are very important because most people aren't willing to change their views once their minds are made up and that's a good thing because you shouldn't have to think someone should do the thinking for you wow I'm running out of breath...

   Now that I've woken up, I'll can tell you just how awful the plot was! I'm so excited.

Ah, The Great Translation... NOT!
Ah, The Great Translation... NOT! 

   First off, everybody depends on these violent people called guardians which guard people called summoners which can destroy Sin if they finish some sort of unholy pilgramige. If the people have done something so bad that they deserve something like Sin to come and destroy them, so be it! It is an act of God, and He is infallible. There were a couple good things in there like how they are all being punished for their sins and that's good, but when the leaders of this whole belief system are shown to be BAD I went completely ape-s**t. I couldn't believe that Square would ever put forth the idea the religious leaders could be hypocrites and work against the people especially that Seymour guy doesn't he piss me off oh I could go in there and just beat the living wow I need to calm down so give me a minute and ill be back on track-

   I hope that's all of the plot that I need to put in, because after that last blackout I forgot more of the game. Oh well... not like I really want to remember this anyway.

A scandalous shot of Lulu
A scandalous shot of Lulu 

   I can't remember exactly why I put such a low score for localization, but it must be because of the picture of the Al Bhed over there. Just look at it! They didn't even translate the whole thing, leaving poor saps like myself to just shake my head and wonder if it's really worth knowing... thankfully, that lewd girl Rikku could translate some but she's awfully young to be a fighter not that she's much of one anyway but she STOLE stuff and stealing is bad which means she's in trouble because she's SINNING! Not only that, but she steals stuff from guys and THROWS IT BACK AT THEM! How cruel! Why I could....!

   Ugh, too many blackouts. Can't remember anything. Oh well. Lulu?

   Oh, she must be the reason why some of those perverted people would replay this game, cause she shows off so much yet shows so little in her character. Nothing like a hot, mysterious chick to rouse the fornicators and get them playing with her. Bleh! She's also the reason I gave the visuals a low score, because she steals the scene and isn't well done, and anyone who steals the scene like that should look spectacular graphics-wise and she doesn't.

   I had a hard time getting through this game, what with the fits I had at the absolute absurdity and pish-posh the game advertised, and then some of the changes they put into the game. It took me twenty hours to figure out that confounded sphere grid, and then I kept going backwards and I couldn't understand why my guys weren't learning everything quicker, but I somehow made it with my 72 hour days... and most people sleep every 24... hah!

   It took me a lot of 72 hour runs to beat the game 'cause I just couldn't figure it out.

   Overall, this game is a blippin' heresy! Giant fish with cages as stomachs, calling aeons from Hell, dead people walking... I can't stand it! And then there was that stupid guy who had one arm in a sleeve and the other out - didn't he chap my a**! And so many revealing characters! Lulu, Rikku, Shiva... ack! And then, the Sphere Grid will teach the children who play this game that learning magic is good! And so, all those characters, and Harry Potter and his wizard friends will go to Hell for practicing witchcraft! YAY!

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