Well, as I warned everyone, the update schedule around the end of March is always going to be a bit screwy. I'm lucky to be able to put anything up one week after the last update, to be honest. To make matters more annoying for me, the Japanese Bureau of Verification and Fact-Checking (JBVFC) took one look at the proposed date of the next column, and brought out the shock collar. It seems they're still not too happy about last year's little exercise in creative column writing.

In any case, after much begging, pleading, and kowtowing (that's where you get on your knees and bow down so hard you crack your forehead on the pavement), the JBVFC put the torture implements away and agreed to a compromise. I have to present the following games as straight as possible, with no elaboration or literary pretention whatsoever. In exchange, I get to tell one big lie for April Fools' Day this year. That's where the fun comes in. You see, one of these games is not real. In one way or another, one of the games in today's column is not really what I say it is. I may have changed the name, the platform, the genre, or used screenshots from a completely different game.

The question is, can you guys figure out which one it is?

Our first game today is Souken Bukyoku, or "The Dance of the Twin Swords," a mobile-phone game from Games Arena. What makes this one special? Well, to read from the Dengeki article: "It is a quest-based RPG experience that can be played alone or in cooperation with others. There exists both campaign and PVP modes." In other words, this is an MMORPG. While it's not the first such game to appear (Square Enix has made at least two of which I'm aware), this game looks to go a bit farther than the likes of Friends of Mana or Ellark in terms of actual multiplayer ability.

Our next item, Dark Quest, isn't so interesting. A simple hack'n'slash RPG, Dark Quest takes the Hero on an adventure to defeat the evil faeries and find as much loot as he can carry off, in a standard isometric view. There are spells to gain and special moves to master, but since it's all on a mobile phone anyway, I don't know how well Gameloft is going to do on this one.

Just two weeks back, Alicesoft released a new dungeon-explorer RPG, called City of the War God III. The story is simple, with a young warrior named Nacht trying to live up to his father's reputation by enrolling in an upcoming tournament. As he prepares for the trials ahead, he meets new friends, makes alliances, and does what he must to win. What makes this game different is, it's X-rated. Literally. This game is part of one of a few eroge (AY-roh-GAY, short for "erotic game") RPG series on the market. I even have the pictures to prove it. Naturally, this game is only available on the PC, as no game publisher in their right mind would so much as consider putting this one on a console.

Our last game of the column comes from a little store down the corner called "The Daiso." For those unfamiliar with Japan, The Daiso is a 100-yen store. Not everything in there is actually 100 yen, but it's all quite cheap. They even have a discount PC program section, with a wide variety of cheap games, all 100 yen apiece. This one's the only RPG I could find, but I think there may be one or two more.

Lost Memory is, apparently, about a young adventurer struggling to find himself in the world when he hasn't a clue who he is. I don't have much of a clue, either, as the game did not have a story summary on the back cover, and while an internet search got me some screenshots, it did not get me any information on the game's story. Let's take a look anyway:

So there you have it folks. Four games, one of which is not what it seems. Which one do you think it is? Click on the nice message board link down below, and vote for your answer.

And that's the news from Hi-no-Kuni,

Your man in Japan,

Gaijin Monogatari