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How NOT to Sell Hardware
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Mike "JuMeSyn" Moehnke
FAN EDITORIALIST



The Sega CD was and is a much-maligned piece of hardware. Truly, most of the complaints are justified. It offered little that the Genesis and SNES couldn't do (or at least that developers took advantage of) and it cost $300 extra. Plus the necessity of plugging in two power adapters (one for the Genesis, one for the Sega CD that piggybacks onto the Genesis) is very annoying. Even though I spent a fraction of its original price to obtain one on eBay, it remains my least-played system thanks to a dearth of worthwhile content.

But there ARE a few items on the system that cannot be obtained elsewhere. The original editions of the two Lunar games garnered kudos years ago, and GameArts modified them in their later redos for the Saturn and PS1 - making these originals, particularly for Lunar: the Silver Star, different games. Also brought over by Working Designs were Vay, a game that I did not enjoy much but others seemed to take more joy from; and Popful Mail, a charming action-RPG that appeared on the PC Engine and the SNES in Japan but only made it into English on the Sega CD. Dark Wizard is also notable for being a tactical title with a hexagon grid instead of the usual squares along with four characters to play as, Snatcher garners mammoth acclaim as a unique title made by Hideo Kojima long before Metal Gear Solid, Shining Force CD is great fun for Shining Force aficianados, Mickey Mania is a mostly-forgotten platformer that is best on the Sega CD thanks to extensive audio upgrades, Sonic CD gets acclaim as the best Sonic title (though it's on the second Sonic Gems Collection for Gamecube also), the most faithful home version of Final Fight is found here, and several other titles I haven't yet obtained are at least reasonably reputed (these including The Terminator and Keio Flying Squadron).

Sifting through the Sega CD's library can be arduous, however. The items I listed above are FAR outnumbered by the glut of crap that made up the system's library. Some of the most notorious examples of gamemaking crap on the system include (with special demerits going to FMV titles):

  • Night Trap (FMV Alert!). Divorced from the US Senate proclaiming this to be a horrible thing damaging to children, I can say that it is really boring. Here's what the game involves: switching between eight rooms and springing a trap on extras dressed in black and gray mugger outfits. There are a lot of them, and all of them need to be bagged. Should this get boring (and it will) the player can watch Dana Plato and some incredibly-gifted-at-the-craft-of-acting-stupid actresses having an insanely irritating slumber party.
  • Make My Video: Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch! (FMV Alert!). How much do I need to say about a 'game' taking random film clips and sticking them together for a Marky Mark video? Mark Wahlberg would rather all of us forget this.
  • Kris Kross Make My Video! (FMV Alert!). See above, save that the musical practioners have not gone on to successful film careers or, indeed, much of anything.
  • Eternal Champions. Remember when Street Fighter II clones were all the rage? Relive that era with this game, including bizarre secret animals to play as and incredibly wonky move sets! Or don't.
  • Batman Returns. Not that Batman games are going to be good, but since when was a lame driving simulator with the Batmobile considered to be the best use of the Batman license? Will there be a game based on 'The Dark Knight' this year that actually has a lot of card playing (because THE JOKER is in it?)

...Enough. The few gems of the Sega CD's library deserve a reincarnation, however. There is only one logical place for them to go, and the Wii could certainly accomodate Sega CD games with a little upgrade to its hard drive. Should Nintendo start offering them for the Virtual Console, do take advantage of those games unavailable anywhere else. Just please, don't buy the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Resist the tempation to Morph with all your might!




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