A Virtual Life

by Theresa

On a spring day a radiant sun shines brightly, its rays reflecting off the calming effects of the ocean. A stray wind blows carrying tossing about little grains of sand. I feel happy, all inhibitions melted away in those waves and in the warmth of the golden light. In this panorama a woman stands before me. I feel as if I have known her for my whole life, but then the feeling disappears. I feel a nudge from behind and the sand dissolves and that beautiful ocean fades away. The moment is placed back into the monitor and I am fitted neatly back into the mold of reality.

It turns out I am seated cross-legged before my television screen, eyes reddened from staring the flickering tube for countless hours. The figure who has interrupted my video-life tells me it is time for dinner. Slightly irritated, I drag myself away from the game and return to reality to consume something vaguely resembling meatloaf. Many such days of my younger teenage years, and some of the present days, have been spent like this. Many days I feel a twinge of doubt, quiet now, but sometimes a throbbing pulse. In the doubts stronger moments I wonder, have I wasted my time living life vicariously through videogames?

I have played videogames since I was about the age of ten. The addiction, that being the correct word, began with A Link to the Past. It was a lovely game with colorful graphics fit with a hero in all the stories I had been read when I was a small child. I think most of us remember the first game that hooked us in. For some, it became a minor hobby, a moderate waste of time, or a good friend to turn to when one was down and a pleasant bit of euphoria when reality turned sour. Yes, so potent a drug to those wanting, such as myself, that one could compare it to heroin. A pleasant sensation through the veins, the thing that the heart beats with and what the imagination feeds on… But before I stray off too much, let me return to the point was it worth it, a vicarious life, feeding on virtual experiences instead of really living?

Time passes as we grow up and reality moves about us even if we choose to ignore it. I have played numerous games during my short lifetime, loosing the bonds of reality in favor of slipping on virtual ones that were just as heavy. Constantly pressing the panic button, as I did, I ignored reality and my skills began to deteriorate. In a videogame I could have all the talent that I wanted in a far shorter time, though it might be within the frame of a "character". In reality I would have to work and if not presented in the proper frame, who really wants to do work? One can play a game without ultimately feeling the pain, regret, love, or true happiness one might garner from an actual experience. That vicarious life can feed those simulated feelings. Why would yearn for the real thing if one does not know the true feeling? Why build up skills or try to socialize and get a "life" when one can be wrapped up in a blanket of fantastic stories, great deeds, and self importance in a gigantic world?

I found that by living in the world of videogames, within my addiction I didn't know the real feelings from the false. I had a "life" and felt I did not need to go out into reality and make an interesting existence for myself. In my current "life" I had saved the world countless times, learned secrets no one else dared to seek, traveled to places others only dreamed of visiting, and mastered many games of chance. All in all, what did it amount to? When reality finally became so alluring and (more than apparent that it needed attention), I had done exactly two things with my life: nothing and utterly nothing. By the time I woke up to reality my little hobby of videogames had turned into a full out addiction. (For example: Has every fiber of your being cried out for a game and your mood varied so badly that you felt depressed until you did a nice session of gaming? Mine has.) The bonds were so tight that I had not the skills to approach anything and felt burned if I dare touch anything reality had to offer away from the realm of videogames. So, it comes back down to basics. I had to remove one chain at a time and free myself up from these vicarious life bonds.

Freeing up my bonds, it was a thousand mile crawl through shards of glass on my belly. I could see the blood trail behind me and it didn't end. With time though, I have learned to manage my time better and made the best of both lives. My imagination has benefited from both my vicarious life and my brand new, shiny real life. The moral of this long ramble is, don't get so caught up in a virtual life that you forget the real one you have to live.