You know who sucks? I'll tell you. Jared Fogle. What a lying sack of lowfat subs he is. He comes on these new Subway commercials all "Subway is doubling the menu!" How? By offering to do something they've offered to do since the restaurant's conception: toast subs. He's like, "You can get any sub on the menu toasted or untoasted." I worked at Subway for 13 months of my teen years; we always toasted a sandwich if people wanted it toasted. Oh no, not if you ask Jared. It's a cool new thing that's just happening and Subway is "doubling its menu" with this tactic. Shut up.

If you come to my dad's Cafe in downtown Brookville, PA, and ask us "Please toast my sandwich/salad/glass of Pepsi," we'll do it. Most places will. Nono, not if you ask Jared and his Subway goons. To them, the toaster oven is Subway-exclusive. Jared Fogle is a lying tool.

Hey, remember this guy? You know, Qiu Chengwei--the dude that really stabbed someone to death over some virtual property? Well, his fate was decided by the Chinese authorities this week. The 41-year old was sentenced to "suspended death." I had no idea what that meant, so I looked it up. Apparently ancient Chinese magic will make him immortal, then send him to that planet where the evil version of Jet Li was sent in the movie The One. Either that or a road trip (via a station wagon) to Proxima Centauri with Jimmy Fallon riding shotgun; my dictionary had two definitions.

But what will realistically happen when it's discovered that the aforementioned planet is too far away (and Jimmy Fallon won't take the trip when he finds out there's no camera to stare at) is that Qui will be given a life sentence in prison. With good behavior, it's reported that he has the potential to get out in 15 years. This doesn't sit well with the parent of the murdered Zhu Caoyuan. "We want Qiu to die, and immediately," said Zhu Huimin, Caoyuan's father. And who wouldn't, especially in light of Huimin's revelation, "[Caoyuan] was barely able to put on his pants before Qiu stabbed him."

For something like three months, I've been posting pictures of Chinese MMORPGamers waiting in long, long lines to get to play a bit of World of Warcraft. Now, my running joke must sadly come to an end. Well, not so sad for the anxious gamers who now get to play it, I guess.

"It has always been a goal at Blizzard to become a major developer and publisher for the Chinese gaming market," said Mike Morhaime, president and co-founder of Blizzard Entertainment. "We feel that China offers a huge and eager audience and it is poised to become the next great region in gaming. We are simply thrilled to be bringing World of Warcraft to this great country."

Seeing as the game held 500,000 concurrent players during its Chinese beta testing, the forecast shows a good chance of success, with possible raining of money at Blizzard headquarters.

In other World of Warcraft news, the "Battlegrounds" patch is now live. According to Morhaime, "...the PvP Battlegrounds represent the single biggest update to the game yet." The press release says that World of Warcraft's "Battlegrounds" are PvP-enabled zones where players battle against each other to win Honor Points and valuable in-game rewards. Each Battleground has different goals and gameplay styles. The two Battlegrounds now available to the public are Alterac Valley, a high-end zone designed for large groups of experienced players, and Warsong Gulch, a more casual zone designed for all players level 21 and up. Check out all the info here.

"As part of our continuing promise to keep Guild Wars free of hacks, cheats, and other exploits, we closed the accounts of more than 100 users of in-game "bots" today. Bots are against the EULA and the Rules of Conduct, and we will continue to remove players from the game if they engage in the use of such programs." Those are the words spoken on the official Guild Wars website in response to the cheaters that try to exploit every MMO. In what is surely a typo, the company forgot the part about how some botters will be visited by Qiu Chengwei and stabbed in the chest...before they can even get their pants on.

Part 2 of the "Return Home to Vana'diel" campaign is officially on. This means that players who have left Final Fantasy XI more than 90 days ago, but still remained a member of PlayOnline can start the game again and bring back an old character. This would not normally be possible, as Square Enix does not allow access to characters who have been abandoned for more than 90 days. The incentive to return is just that--access to the old character. Part 1 of the return program offered PlayOnline deserters a free 30 days of play for coming back, but no free time is in store for Part 2. Check out the full details here.

Meanwhile in Asura...

"I hear the economy isn't so bad in Remora," said the Male Tarutaru to his new wife. Looking for a place to settle down, the couple will take part in the upcoming World Emigration. This will allow players to jump from an overcrowded server to a less populated one. The application is going on now and ends on the 13th, so get reading the full details if you hate the people on your server as much as they hate you back.

The MMORPGamer playing the original, expansionless version of Anarchy Online for free were recently given a special treat. In a letter to these players, called "Froobs" by the community of AO, developer/publisher Funcom said that if a free account upgrades to the Shadow Lands level of content before June 23, retail fees will not apply. The deal is made sweeter with the bonus inclusion of Notum Wars. The catch, of course, is that monthly subscription fees kick in as soon as the upgrade happens, so players should make sure they are really in Anarchy Online for the long haul before taking the step.

Matthew Foster, who you know from such sections as Sound Test (that's the "music" section), passed on some World of Warcraft screens.







Here are some MxO screens from Rkade. Captions are below the table.

Screen 1 - This is the kind of damage I do!
Screen 2 - This is what happens if a low lvl character runs passed a gang. all these guys are chasing a player!
Screen 3 - Shot of the moon during event involving lupines and blood drinkers!
Screen 4 - Example of one of the many parties happening in the matrix!

Send some screens, if you have the guts....

Readers Speak

You say you want a Revolution?

The FFXI Epidemic Dear Heath, http://www.planetgamecube.com/news.cfm?action=item&id=6240 When I read this story, I thought for sure that it was a hint that Square-Enix would be making Final Fantasy XI for the Revolution. Wada even goes as far as to say that Nintendo's online plans for the Revolution would be a good fit for a community of Final Fantasy XI players. Then, at E3, they announced an Xbox 360 version of Final Fantasy XI with no mention of a Revolution version, so I guess what Wada said earlier was meant to tease me. Now I know that the editors for the above website admitted that they had a difficult time deciphering the story, but given what was translated, what do you think the chances are that Square-Enix will bring Final Fantasy XI, or some other online game, to the Revolution? Alan HEATH Interesting. I wanted to have our ridiculously awesome translator Adrienne Beck look at that, because I can't get any more out of it than those two Babelfishers, but she's not around as I type this, so bummer.... However, I am not completely without ideas of my own here. One thing to consider right now is that we know a bit more about the Xbox 360 than we do about the Revolution. So Square Enix might still be kicking the Revolution's proverbial tires as far as FFXI is concerned. We already know that the company will make a Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles sequel on the Revolution, and I've heard rumors that the game will be online, which would be smart since the main complaint about the original was the required cords and GBAs in multiplayer mode. I think FF:CC2 going online combined with what Wada said about FFXI in that report (if indeed it is accurate) would point to a good possibility of the game moving to Revolution, but it's still far too early to say for sure. We must also consider this: how many people will just own the Revolution? I have no stats on the subject, but I'd certainly bet that a greater number of one-console owners will go Xbox 360 than Revolution, making that a better choice if your goal is to expand the game's potential audience. We'll see, I guess.

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Thanks for reading the column. I can't think of anything to put in the outro this week.

Now is the time on MMORPGamer when Heath Hindman dances! rage@rpgamer.com