The Love That Can Never Be

	by Jeffrey Synn

e-mail: gaiaswill@cchono.com





	My heart is racing.  My blood runs cold through my veins.

I cannot speak.  It has been a long time.  Too long.  I feel that

my journey is approaching its close.  Victory is mine.  I can taste

it.

	The one that has tortured me for many years past lies beyond

the magical barrier....  I have only to cross it to gain the

vengeance I seek.  He has taken from me everything of value: my

home... my parents... my identity... my mind... and quite possibly,

I realize now, my sanity.  He reveled in the pain that he caused me.

But he did not stop there.  All that was not enough to satisfy his

insane bloodlust.  He wanted complete control over me and was willing

to do anything to get it.  So he moved to punish the most innocent

and undeserving of all; the cries of the pure and true meant nothing

to him... my beloved, how Iāve failed you....

	I still remember her voice.  Soft and delicate, always trying

to lighten my spirits, always seeking to comfort, despite the pain

that she herself contained in her very soul. She was the most

beautiful thing that ever had lived on the Planet.  I still remember

meeting her for the first time.  She was the only source of light in

the forsaken city.  She wanted only to sell a flower to me; how could

I resist?  It was not long until I saw her again.  In my time of

need, she had taken it upon herself to tend to my wounds.  I still

wonder at why she did that.  Was it fate?  Destiny?  I talk too

much....

	She was heavenly, truly angelic.  Even when she stood in the

only light in that same forsaken city, among her modest flower

garden, her inner luminance was able to belittle it.  She was truly a

blessing from above.

	She had asked me out once, but I was too blind to see it.

She had "hired" me to be her bodyguard.  In payment, she agreed to go

out with me on one date.  I just thought she was trying to be

friendly!  Oh, how blind I was....

	We eventually did go out on that date, and she was going to

say something to me.  Something I suspected of importance.  I had

always joked to myself that it would be the three words that would

make us a couple officially... that joke doesnāt seem so funny

anymore.  I remember, I could tell that she was building herself up

to say it, but she was interrupted as fireworks began to light up the

sky.  I never did hear what she had to say....

	It was then when circumstance separated us.  The one we were

against; the one that will later destroy my life, sought the power he

needed to become one with the Planet, to essentially become God.  We

were to stop him.  We had almost succeeded!  We had the artifact of

black in our hands; we had beaten him to it!... and then I gave it

away.  He could control me somehow, it seems.  I felt as if I had

been... pushed aside and ignored.  I could not resist as I handed the

tool of destruction to him, my sworn enemy!  And I had watched in

horror as my own hands grasped her frail body, threatening to drain

the life out of my beloved.  Had my friends not stopped me... I donāt

dare let myself think what could have happened....

	When I had regained my self, I saw that she sought to make

things right again in a dream--alone.  I woke up in a fevered state

and followed her to her intended destination.

	In the center of the ancient city cloaked in dreams, we saw

her, praying silently for the life of her planet.  She was wishing for

the welfare of all of us, and was willing to sacrifice herself for it.

She was truly the blessed one.  She looked so full of hope.  Just

seeing her brought me a sense of comfort, something that assured me

that everything was going to turn out all right....

	I approached her and motioned for my friends to remain.  And

as I neared her, I felt the dark presence again once more.  He seized

control of my actions, and I drew my sword and threatened to cut her

down with my own hands.  I could see the silent plea and the

helplessness within her eyes; she understood what was happening, and

begged me to face the evil within myself and gain control again.  I

am grateful for my friends, for it was they that helped me regain the

command of my own body.

	"No... you will not make me what you have become!  Do you

hear me?" I cried out to my unseen foe.

	"You are just a puppet...." he had responded.

	A dark shadow loomed over the angel, the angel I loved and

who loved me in return.  I found my muscles constrained; I could make

no move to save her!  Down he came, his long blade full of diabolic

purpose as it glistened evilly in the sunlight.  The cold steel

penetrated my beloved through her back; and I could do nothing but

watch!  She made no move to resist; it was almost as if she knew it

had to happen.

	I saw only a cold gleam in his eyes.  There was no remorse,

no decency, no sign of any feeling that any person would have felt in

those heartless eyes.  His stare was taunting me... daring me to come

and challenge him, knowing full well that I could not.

	My muscles were suddenly released from their prison, and I

rushed forward to catch her in my arms as her slender body slid off

that evil blade.  Tears were streaming down my face; I hadnāt felt

like this in my entire life.  There was no emotion anymore, no life,

no love, in that precious face.  She had already left us... left me.

	That was when I challenged him.  He only mocked my words,

saying that there was no way that I could actually hurt him.  He

laughed at my discomfort, saying that I was merely pretending with my

emotions.  And he bragged over his "victory," saying that she would

eventually be a part of him!  I gripped my sword angrily.  I was

going to cut out that black heart of his right then and there and shut

him up!  I moved forward to strike him and he retreated, leaving me,

my anger, my sorrow, and my guilt alone with the lifeless body of my

one love.

	She now sleeps in that city, in a bed of pure water.  She

looked very peaceful, and I was minorly comforted knowing that her

demons could do no more harm to her.  She faded from view into the

pond, her unbound hair performing their own dance as she descended.

That experience left me with my guilt.  My guilt and my purpose.

	The final confrontation awaits me.  My friends have given me

their undying and loyal support, just as I have sworn the same to

them.  The time for the Godās fall has come, and may her soul be with

me now.