Gratitude
Lovely Lucrecia
Disclaimer: Valkyrie Profile is the property of tri-Ace.
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It has been three days so far... and she just lies motionless in Mystina's huge bed, hardly ever moving, never opening her eyes. When I lean over her face to stroke it softly with my fingers, I can feel her gentle breath caressing my skin. She sometimes stirs and moans quietly in her heavy slumber.
Do the gods dream?
She's not that different, really. Especially now, when her spirit lies asleep in a body of an elf, of a homunculus. One glance at her is enough to fill every corner of my heart with pride and self-satisfaction, for it was I who created this perfect vessel for her. Not that it is much different from her old body, anyway. I wasn't an artist seeking an original way to express myself, I wasn't some sculptor working on living flesh; at least it wasn't my intention to give birth to something new. I merely tried to make a precise image of the goddess I desire; she was my inspiration and my final goal all along. I have created an exact copy of her, beyond all doubt. Coming to think of it... yes, I'm definitely a perfectionist.
I really hope that Mystina won't be back soon. It seems that she hasn't forgiven me yet. Besides, she doesn't believe me at all, she doesn't even try to conceal her distrust. Neither does her large friend, Arngrim, or that dragonian woman... or anybody else, for that matter. I smirk as I think of it. How ungrateful. After all, if it hadn't been for my genius, Valkyrie's soul would no longer exist. It's funny how Mysty tries to ignore that simple fact... She looks down her nose at me. All right, so maybe I killed her... but... I also set her spirit free. I'm sure she'll get over it pretty soon. Besides, I believe she would have done the same thing in my place. She has never been an over-sensitive type, restricted by morals or conscience.
I know it's quite silly to admit, but I'm glad Lorenta has already left Midgard. I'd rather avoid any possible confrontation in the near future. I'm not afraid, let alone ashamed, I simply do not feel like talking to her, not after recent events. She always used to be... a bit narrow-minded. If I tried to explain anything, she wouldn't understand. I wasn't guided by emotions, contrary to what she seemed to believe. Since being expelled from the academy meant little to me, killing her was no sort of vengeance. It just... had to be her, instead of some worthless slut. Of all the people I knew, I simply had to execute her in order to draw the goddess' attention. Well, Lorenta should feel honored, then.
I'm not a pervert. Is desire really such a horrible sin? I lust after the woman I love. And I love her, because she is so... perfect. A goddess, an Aesir, an extremely powerful being locked in a body of the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. How does it feel to make love to a goddess? Surely it must be something extraordinary... I trace a finger down her cheek. At this moment, I'm torn between two opposite feelings. On one hand, I want her to wake up as soon as possible; I want to make sure if she's all right, if the ritual actually worked. It is concern mixed with scientific curiosity. On the other hand, however, I hope that she will stay asleep a little bit longer, so that I can watch her, touch her, simply sitting here, surrounded by her sweet scent. She smells of wind, rain and lilies.
When she wakes up, she probably won't like me any better. I would still be a necromancer and a 'defiler of souls' in her eyes, and she would still be a goddess given a task of annihilating such 'blasphemers'. I wonder... does she really divide the world between black and white? She seems so naive... Does she ever question Odin's decisions, or does she merely follow them like a faithful slave? The ring that was given to her... I heard about it once. A powerful artifact, made not only to protect its wearer from dark energy, but also to enslave that person's will... What was Odin thinking when he offered her such a traitorous gift? Lady Valkyrie is his daughter, isn't she?
I would have done anything just to please her. I got rid of my body in order to perform the ritual of soul transfer, the very ritual that saved her existence. Which means... my death was rather unpleasant, for I couldn't just stab myself in the stomach, now could I? No, I had to separate my spirit from my flesh. It was painful... and risky, even for the kind of genius I am. Nevertheless, I succeeded. Like always.
I know these are just ridiculous delusions, but still... Maybe she will be grateful, when she wakes up... and maybe this gratitude will later change into something more complex, more passionate... I wonder what did she use to think of me... Did she find me repulsive? Irritating? Handsome? Intriguing? Irresistible? For a few moments my laughter fills the silent chamber. Valkyrie stirs in her sleep. I instantly tense.
Her silver eyebrows are furrowed in pain. I'm sure now; she's dreaming of something... What makes her so uneasy?
Oh, but I don't want her to wake up. Not yet. I slowly remove the remaining glove from my left hand. Then, trembling in anticipation and shaking with uncontrollable lust, I reach out for her, curling my cold fingers round her pale arms. Steel asleep, aren't you? Good.
I place one of my arms under her back to support her upper body; then I pull her closer to me. I've never been very strong and I would have never been able to lift a grown-up man, but she seems to weigh less than nothing. I encircle her with my arms and she is finally mine. The silk quilt slides down, revealing her full breasts. I saw this body before, many times, actually... but this time is different. I'm not holding a homunculus; I'm holding her. It's the real thing.
Her lips are slightly parted; in fact, she looks so inviting that I can hardly control myself. I've never felt this way about a woman before. What happened to me? Since I have first laid my eyes on her, I am not able to blot out the memory of her face. I can hardly believe it... It used to be the other way around... girls were attracted to me, because I was handsome and powerful, no doubt. I was usually too busy with my study to pay them any attention, though. And now it's too late. I have somehow lost my independence and it frightens me the most.
Nevertheless, this is the moment of my triumph.
Our lips meet and, for the first time in my life, my conscious thoughts suddenly scatter, giving way to a rising excitement. My head is spinning, this is pure bliss, pure ecstasy. My heart burns with passion. I wish the entire world could see me now, kissing Lord Odin's daughter. It's ridiculous, but I kind of expect a thunder to strike me down any second. Of course, no such thing happens. Instead of that, I can feel Valkyrie's lips twitching.
Ah, she's coming to, at last. Spoiling my moment of fun. What a pity.
Gently, not eager to enrage her too soon, I place her on the bed. Is her heart beating faster now, or is it merely my imagination? Very slowly at first, she moves one of her hands away, opening her eyes. She notices me instantly, and yet remains silent.
With my eyes locked with hers, I am calm and quiet as well, even though deep in my soul I still burn. What happens next? I'm sure it's not that hard to predict her reaction. However, I'm mistaken. Instead of an angry "Get out!" or cold and furious "Lezard. What am I doing naked in your bed?", I hear:
"What... what happened...?"
Her voice is insecure. Does she even recognize me? I'm not the kind of person to panic easily, but I start to get nervous. Surely she wouldn't have forgotten me so soon? Was the experiment unsuccessful, then? I clear my throat, wondering what to say next - I don't usually have problems with starting a conversation or expressing my thoughts, being naturally talkative and self-confident, but right now I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with every passing second. It's really strange, feeling this way. It's so not like me... Suddenly I can see her eyes widening in recognition. Then she frowns and I know everything has come back to normal: a reassuring, and yet very disappointing thought. I heave a sigh of relief. She notices that and says:
"Explain yourself. Now." her voice is sharp, demanding, but I can clearly see panic creeping up on her. Is she afraid of me? Or is it only some sort of anger, some silent rage that I can read from the sparkles in her eyes? It sounds impossible, but I have forgotten how beautiful these eyes are. Their color never stays the same for long.
"Do not worry, Lady Valkyrie. I haven't touched you." Even if that's a lie... so what? She'll never learn the truth, for she cannot read my mind. And I don't really care if she trusts me... she probably doesn't, judging from the look on her face. "...However... I had a hard time controlling myself. You are the pure embodiment of beauty."
She glares at me. Does she expect me to attack any second? To try anything funny? What is she thinking? Well, maybe we are playing cat and mouse with each other. Who is the cat, anyway?
"You are free to go." I say. Very reluctantly, might I add.
She attempts to get out of bed. Then she finally notices that she's... well... incompletely dressed and her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. Her embarrassment is obvious. I'm beginning to enjoy the entire situation even more.
"Turn around." It's an angry order. But all I do is smirk and say:
"Why? Do you think I haven't seen you naked before?"
She's really shocked and speechless for a while, but she recovers very quickly. "You..." she hisses and I can't help but smirk again. "If I discover that you have done something to my body, necromancer, your hours are numbered."
"Oh, but I have." I interrupt her quite abruptly, cursing such impoliteness in my mind. I might have sounded too unceremoniously even to my own liking, but things need to be explained as soon as possible. "You see, my dear Lady Valkyrie... You are not quite the same being you used to be... Well, so to speak... the other Valkyrie nearly destroyed your soul and-"
"Hrist!" she exclaims all of a sudden, looking away, down at her hands, which are currently clenched into fists. "What happened to her?" there's worry in her voice.
"I don't know." I lie. "As far as I'm concerned, she may be dead, however, I am not certain." That's just my way of being gentle. But I can see that she has no delusions about her sister's death.
"I... see." she raises her head. Her expression is inscrutable, I can't decide whether she's thrilled, surprised, sad or happy. The blank stare she gives me is pushing me dangerously close towards the edge of uneasiness. There's a long silence between us, until she finally speaks:
"Before I kill you, I believe that you wanted to tell me about something?"
Not particularly taken aback or moved by her threat, and yet hurt by such ingratitude, I start to explain the ritual of soul transfer - sparing her many unnecessary details - and it takes me quite a long time. She listens intently, never interrupting or hurrying me, never averting her eyes from my face. I truly enjoy talking, especially talking about my own achievements and this time is no different. It pleases me that I have found such a wonderful listener. When I finally reach the point of her awakening - of course I haven't bothered with mentioning the kiss - and fall silent, she looks pale. I guess she still can't accept it, everything, the whole situation is so new to her, it's something she has never experienced before. No wonder. She slowly raises her hand, as if unsure of such movement, as if expecting the fingers to disobey her any second. Hesitation written on her face, she slowly clenches and unclenches her fist, completely forgetting my presence. I don't like being ignored, so I clear my throat. When she's finally sure that the hand will follow her commands, she reluctantly meets my eyes.
"You are still a goddess, Lady Valkyrie, nothing less." I smile at her, trying to be as reassuring as possible. "I put my heart and soul into saving you and I do not expect any fancy rewards, my beloved." I add.
An eternity with you would do, I guess.
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She didn't even thank me. There were no grateful smiles. No praise, no appreciation. In fact, not even hatred. Just that stone-hard, ice-cold indifference she excels at. She just disappeared, dissolving into thin air.
It drives me mad, really. I am not some kind of a tool, to be easily disposed after usage. Not an insignificant slave to be ignored, or a speck of dust to be brushed off the sleeve. And it doesn't really matter that I was born as a mortal, because I have already gained immortality. I have surpassed the gods as well... if she's not able to see it, then she has to be blind.
I saved her life. I gave her power to defeat Loki. I offered her this new place among the gods. Why hasn't it turned out like in Mysty's books we used to laugh upon when we were still teenagers? Normally the prince would save the princess, she would kiss him and they would live happily ever after. Fucking happily ever after. But this particular story, my story, the show I play the lead in, went completely wrong. I feel like a fool. I've never experienced such humiliation before.
I did it all so that she would now be happy with this pathetic, emotionally immature boy. She even risked her life - her precious life, the gift I gave her - only to avenge him. Unfortunately, thanks to the power this new vessel contains, she somehow managed to bring him back.
Why does she have to torture me so? Still, I'm not through with her yet. I want her, I can't get her out of my head no matter what, I still remember her body, her voice, the way she used to move. I doubt I'll ever be able to forget that. Especially the sight of her fragile body curled up in that bed, her hair scattered on the pillow. I should have claimed her mine back then. I should have grabbed the opportunity as soon as it knocked at my door. But no, some silly decency took over. I wish I had gone further.
Oh well. It doesn't really matter, for all I have to do is wait a little bit longer, after all. I am the kind on man who always gets what he wants. The goddess will eventually belong to me... and this time I will not act like a gentleman at all.
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Author's notes: Thank you very much for taking the time to read this story. I'm not a very experienced writer and I really, really want to improve - please, be so kind as to send me your comments (positive feedback, constructive criticism, etc.). Moreover, English is not my first language - if you have spotted any mistakes in this fic, let me know! C'mon, it will only take you a couple of minutes! Here's my address: misslucrecia@hotmail.com