A Confused Heart
Lindsay Santos
lindsay-s@home.com

I couldn't believe I was once again, reunited with my past sweetheart, Kyle. Ever since the break up, I detested being in the same room as him. I'd frown at his drunk looking' face, and swear on the Goddess Althena that I'd help him stop drinking. I guess the main reason I didn't want to be near him, was because of how he reminded me that I was a failure. After many attempts of helping him stop drinking, none of them worked. After a day or so, it would be back at the pub. That drove me over the edge and forced me to break up with him.... I remember exactly everything that happened the day of the break up. He was drunk as usual, and I didn't want him to go berserk when I was going to tell him I was going to leave him, so I convinced his buddy Leo to help me get Kyle inside this prison stall, then I broke the news. I don't know, but when I told him I was going to leave him.... He actually did look heartbroken. His eyes turned into those of a puppy dogs..... His usual moronic smile curved downward into the saddest frown I'd ever seen..... I wanted to hold him and cradle him in my arms. But I couldn't let him deceive me any longer. I couldn't let him string me along only to be heartbroken numerous times. As hard as it was, I'd left him. Moved on with my life, and whenever someone brought him up, I'd call him a drunken lunatic, case closed. I know that's cruel... But it's the only way I can hide how I feel about him still.......

No. I refuse to be led by Kyle once again. I'm Jessica, Hell Mel's daughter. I have to be tough, like my dad. I can't let my personal affairs get in the way with everything else. Though Kyle has some bad qualities.... Some? What am I saying, he has a lot. Aside from the way he drinks, he's too headstrong, and he's so stubborn at times.... But he has his good qualities too.... Like the way he'd protect me from anything threatening to hurt me. He'd act so sweet if anything bad happened in my life....... My father called me an Kyle the perfect couple. He said we're almost exactly alike. How wrong CAN he be? For one thing, I am NOT THAT stubborn! Headstrong? I don't think so. I don't think I have a single bad quality! I'm daddy's little girl. I do nothing wrong, I always listen and obey.... At least when my dad's around.

Maybe that's why I like Kyle so much...... He's not afraid to be himself. He's got an edge. A bad boy side. I find that kind of attractive... Is that so bad? Of course not! Aside from his edge, I like him so much because I've known him ever since I was little. He earned all of my trust when he protected me from a jerk kid that pushed me and made me cry. (Mind you this was when I was young!) Kyle beat the kid to a pulp. Well, I only allowed him to lay some punches on the little runt. After all, I wouldn't want Kyle to put the kid in the hospital........ Ever since that day, Kyle and I had been so close...... I miss those days, when I'd tell him my problems, and he'd make a joke or two to make me laugh. And his moronic side made me feel so smart. Not so dumb. Around him, I could be myself. Not some sweet innocent girl, but just... Me.

What am I saying! I'm trying to think of all these reasons to get back together with Kyle, when I already know he'll break my heart again! That means...... That means I have to be extra tough, and extra cold not only towards him, but everyone else (Except when my dad's around.) Kyle may be back...... And I admit that he is bringing up some personal emotions towards him in me....... But as the Goddess Althena is my witness, I will never, ever, in any lifetime, once again be his girl. EVER again! This is easier said than done..... I'm going to spend so much more time with him.... Well, then here's the deal. I'll stick to the plan and see what happens. Though I can't help but wonder what the future holds for me and him..................... Only the Goddess herself, knows that.

END