Maybe Someday
April
SkyeS2@aol.com

It was a perfect night. At least, it was supposed to be. Out under an ocean of stars, on the gently rolling sea......it was beautiful. But the young girl sitting alone on deck didn't care.

A door opened behind her, but she didn't turn her head, not even when the person spoke.

"Ellone, come inside soon, dear. It's going to rain. I don't want you caught out in it. You could get sick." When Ellone didn't reply, the person sighed and closed the door.

Ellone....rain....

Ellone bowed her head, not wanting the moon's gentle eye to see the tears that shone brightly in hers. Her slender shoulders shook as she tried desperately to hold them back....and failed. Hugging her knees to herself, she let them all spill out, along with her repressed misery.

She didn't want to be here.....as kind as everyone was, she didn't want to be here. Out on the cold, lonely sea....with only the stars to keep her company. Though she put on a brave, cheerful front for everyone else, she bitterly hated it here. All she wanted was to be back in Winhill....back with Raine and Laguna, and Squall too. Instead she was all alone.

Ellone....alone....

At the mere mention of their names in her mind, Ellone started to cry harder. While she was alone on this dreadful ship, the three people she loved the most were millions of miles away from her. Squall was still in that orphanage as far as she knew....she worried often about what her absence was doing to him, he that had clung to her as tightly as the other children clung to their Matron. Laguna was off in Esthar....and Raine, poor Raine, was lying in a lonely grave in Winhill.

And all because you weren't there, Ellone thought furiously, hot, angry tears refilling her already wet, red eyes. Why couldn't you have come back with me? Just a little while....long enough to see her one last time, to see your son. She called out for you and you weren't there. But I was. They wouldn't let me in the room where she was, but I heard her nonetheless. You should have been there too. Why weren't you? I thought you loved her....loved me....it's all your fault....

Burying her face in her hands, Ellone sobbed harder. "I'm sorry," she whispered in a choked voice, as if Laguna had heard her angry, blaming thoughts. "I didn't mean it....I know it wasn't your fault....I know you loved us....I know you had your reasons....I just....I miss you so much....her too.....it's not fair....we should have been together right now, together as a family. Instead we're all lost and alone....alone...."

All alone....Ellone....all alone....

She continued to cry bitterly, the hot tears of her misery stinging her pale, cold cheeks. Even as the rain began to wash over her, she couldn't stop the tears from falling, mingling with the icy, punishing precipitation. The door slammed open, and she didn't hear it. Didn't notice the arms and hands that pulled her up and forced her to walk back inside. All she knew at the moment was her own blinding pain.

Curling up on her bed, Ellone trembled visibly, both from the cold and from her ceaseless crying. She had never felt more alone in all her life......more wretchedly miserable.

If only things were different....if only I could change the way my life is....make everything right. She drew in a hiccupy breath. If I could just change the way it all happened somehow.....things don't have to be this way. If I could just change it....

Closing her eyes regretfully, Ellone began to drift off into sleep. Maybe....maybe I could change it. I just have to find a way. Maybe someday....things will be all right. Someday....