Neglect
by LightSoul
lightsoul@prontomail.com

I'm starting to have irregular sleeping patterns.

The Highwind and I are always in different time zones. It's terrible. It wasn't long...the time when I forced my way into their group. Since the incident that night, nobody's treated me the same way. Since then, I've tried to make up for it as much as possible.

They hate me.

I'm so slow at walking; this body is far too hard to manoeuvre. We got caught up by monsters more often when I was around. I fight like a klutz. A fool. A buffoon. It's hard to ride chocobos when I'm there. They need to help me on everytime, and nothing can ever guarantee that I'll be able to stay on very long once I've mounted.

I'm a burden...but I'm still here.

Damn...I hated to do it, but I took Barret's daughter hostage. That's the only reason I'm still here. I listen, relay the info to Heidegger. Heidegger sends the Turks. I act like a good, innocent guy. The charade had to end sometime.

Did I...?

Did I let them see the keystone, or was that an accident? I'm not really sure myself. Maybe I wanted them to know it was me...But I didn't want my head lopped off. That's why I gave the Turks the keystone.

Why don't you take me with you?

Nobody invites me along anymore. They always rush by without saying a word to me. Up to the deck. Onto a new chapter of their adventure. Their adventure, not mine. I'm just the jerk who betrayed them. You need to take me out sometimes, let me get some practice, give me a turn with that awesome materia for once! This body's the only chance I have to ever us materia...I have feelings too, you know! When I let Cloud hear Marlene's voice, I almost cried...

Oh no...

I knew it's happen one day. My mind's snapped. I don't have to fight. This body's only a puppet. It has no feelings...It's all...me. I'm Cloud's enemy. Does he trust me? I built Cait Sith with Heidegger and Scarlett. The cat says what I say into this microphone. The moogle understands the commands given by the cat. It's a technological masterpiece...But nobody takes it seriously because of its guise.

I need help. I need sleep.

I've been awake for far too long. I need a nap...I can't. I have to stay alert in case Cloud needs me. I need to see a shrink. The whole Cait Sith thing was a mistake. I haven't eaten or slept or had a drink for days. One could say Cait Sith's become a part of me...an alter ego...

"Cait Sith!"

Huh? I can look through these goggles to see who it is. But I don't need to. I'd recognise Tifa's voice any day. But I look through the goggles anyway. God, she's beautiful. No way she'd wanna go out with a stuffed toy, though.

"What can I do for ya!?"

My voice is filled with joy. It's not my nature, but it is Cait Sith's.

"Um...could I borrow your Manipulate materia?"

Is that all? No conversation, not even any 'hello' or 'hi', just straight to the point. At least it was a request, not an order. I can't refuse...Now I have to try and pluck the stupid materia from the stupid megaphone...Damn! I dropped it!

"That's okay, I'll get it."

I look like such an idiot! I'll never be able to touch her hand now...

"Thank you! It's sweet of you."

She kissed the cat on the cheek and left...What's the point? I can't feel what Cait Sith feels. This technology isn't that good...Even if his hand touched hers, even if she did kiss him on the cheek, it wasn't me...Wait. Where the hell is everyone!? Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Cid, Yuffie, Vincent and Red!? I've gotta find them. They've neglected me again...Just gotta get this thing onto the deck...Damn it moves slowly!

"Let's go!"

Cloud's voice...He's outside. Hurry, you stupid moogle! Hurry, damn it!

"Wait up! Wait up!"

Try and climb down the stupid rope ladder...Shi...! Damn! I fell! Hope nothing's broken...Seems fine. Where am I?

"Wait up, I said!"

Only one person bothered to wait for me. Red XIII.

"Why are you so behind? Hurry!"

Why is he so mad at me?

"What's happening?"

He looks even madder now.

"Sephiroth! We are going to fight Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth!? Where was I when the decision was made...? No! It must have been...I must have fallen asleep during the meeting!

"But, I..."

Red's already gone without me. Should I go in after him or stay behind...?

Again, once again, no-one asks the feelings of the slap-happy cat with the southern accent...

END