Gilgamesh's Quest
Shinusagi
shinusagi@yahoo.com

It was a dark and stormy night. The clouds churned but instead of producing creamy butter, they unleashed columns of electricity that threatened to turn the local waterfowl into Crispy Duck. The wind blew so hard that those who were lucky enough to wake up in the morning were surprised to find that tall trees had achieved in several seconds what usually took Chocobos several months of migration. Raindrops the size of package trains splashed lakes onto the ground. It was the kind of night only an utter maniac would be out in. Oh look, there he is!

Gilgamesh trotted lightly over the soaked ground. His cape, which had proven to be waterproof, wind proof and in one extreme case lightning proof, was beginning to look slightly tattered. A frog, which clashed rather nastily, was squatting in one of the folds. His bright eyes penetrated the darkness and narrowed as he espied a distant inn. He trod onwards with a restored purpose.

The door slammed back and made a spirited attempt to insert itself into the adjacent wall. Really, the entrance of Gilgamesh should have merited a dramatic series of crashing chords, but instead the pianist kicked into an undulating and fast-moving introduction.

"I wish everyone would stop playing that bloody theme whenever I go anywhere!" Gilgamesh growled. He strode over to the bar creating a small river across the floor. "I require a room for the night."

"Fine." replied the barman, who was more or less used to seeing mysterious eight-foot tall strangers enter his establishment in a dramatic fashion, and had harboured certain thoughts about renaming his pub "The Plot Development." "That"ll be 200 GP."

Gilgamesh pulled open one of the folds of his cloak and various coins fell out. Two were recognisable as GP at a value of 80 pieces, but there were coins with "gil" or "zenny" inscribed on them, amongst others. One of the coins seemed to be the carapace of a long-dead beetle. Another apparently only existed in two dimensions and was destined to stay flat against the bar and annoy the punters before finally melting. The other coins were even stranger.

"I"m sorry. This doesn't seem to be legal tender."

Gilgamesh slammed his fist onto the bar. One of the coins ran away. "It's money, isn"t it?" he roared. In one swift movement, he grabbed the man by the throat and pressed him to the ceiling. The barman began to babble.

"I'm not scared of you! We get heroes and villans in here all the time! Beginner mages who want to demonstrate Fire 1! It"s a blessing this building is stone re-enforced!"

The demon prepared to tighten his grasp.

"Gilgamesh!"

Gilgamesh turned to see a nightmarish vision hovering in the air behind him.

"Oh hello Enkidou."

The bird demon produced some money and paid the barman who was beginning to turn an interesting blue. Gilgamesh dropped him and smiled oddly.

"Where did you get that money?"

"From my pocket."

"You don"t wear clothes!"

Enkidou shrugged, a not unimpressive manoeuvre for a being with both wings and arms. "From someone's pocket, anyway."

Gilgamesh looked at Enkidou. "And after a good restá"

Enkidou looked at Gilgamesh "...we quest for the Brand Excalibur..."

The barman tried to look at both of them, and settled for looking at a point between them. "Ah, gentle...whatever you are. I might just be able to help..."

Gilgamesh trotted out into the morning air. Familiar squawks punctuated the air, and a rainbow streamed across the sky. The landscape, now flat, had become a mirror of puddles.

He walked with his head held high, his feet marching proudly, and the bits in between feeling pleased with themselves. A brand new brand was strapped to his back and was being admired by Enkidou who was making his own contribution to the dawn chorus by playing the hurdy gurdy.

"Stop playing that bloody theme!"

The barman smiled at the blacksmith.

"Yeah, cheers. You"re a bloody genius. Listen, here's 500 GP, I'll have another ten Excalipurs please. Oh yes, another ten gullible travellers. I just hope they never try to fight with those swords. They'd be in real trouble."