Disclaimer, datclaimer: I'm not the owner of Chrono Trigger, sadly. This entire fanfic is loosely based on a fanart I saw while cruising around RPGamer--but more importantly, it answers that age-old question: is Flea a man or a woman?

By Al Kristopher

FirewallZ21@aol.com

"D'gahhhhhhhhh!!!!! What in blazes--?" I sighed, moaning in hideous pain as I heard the shriek. Doubtless old Ozzie just stumbled across a spider. He hates spiders, did you know that? I heard him screaming something else, which I interpreted as an order to his underlings. Silly creatures, those imps. They never amount to anything more than a lackey. I don't know why some of them have dreams and goals--of course, I wonder the same about myself.

Anyway, best if I didn't get involved with Ozzie's spider problem, though I really wanted to see the comical look on his face. I chuckled to myself as I pictured him screaming like a little girl, pulling the proverbial skirts up as a harmless little spider crawled around the ground. I knew full well that, no matter how "creepy and disgusting" these woodland creatures could be, none could match the ugliness and disgusting nature of Ozzie. Poor spider.

But then my sensitive ears picked up another sound, a sound emitted by something that only a few people knew how to wield (I was one of them, tee hee!). This was the sound of magic, a sound that was rarely heard in these parts anymore. Magic is like a blue rose in full bloom during the winter--it's highly improbable that one should exist, but there's not an impossibility, either.

A smile plastered onto my face as I heard the magic. What sounded like the rumblings of an angry giant erupted out of the sky, and a static charge unlike anything that nature could produce blasted forth from the heavens. With an earth-shattering crackle, it struck the ground with a thunderous BOOM, and a brief but bloody scream was the only thing I heard after the lightning bolt disappeared.

Another spell was chanted, and as my pointed ears grew more intent, I heard the explosion and smelled the burning scent of smoke. Ozzie burst out in a scream, whining about the deteriorating condition of his pants. I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I imagined the great big tub of goo running around, his rump on fire.

"FLEA, YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!!!" screamed the Bloated One. I cackled out loud, showing my glistening fangs to the world around me. A great band of braided hair wiggled behind me as I laughed, and my white mantle shook. Merry red eyes gazed back at the Fat One in glee, and although I was enjoying myself heavily, I did eventually apologize.

"Flea's right," pointed the man to the left of me. Well, maybe "man" isn't quite the word for it... More like... demon... "You're making a fool out of yourself," coughed the demon. He crossed his sinewy arms, floating on air the whole time, and stared at the bushes before us. Ozzie had just recently came out of those bushes, his pants ablaze with fire. Whatever was in those bushes, I liked it already.

"D'guh..." Ozzie moaned in agony, humorously fanning his bottom in hopes of cooling it off. "I'd like to see you two try any better!"

"Oh, and is that a challenge?" asked the demon. His icy-blue skin was a heavy contrast to the green woods around us.

"Just go and take care of it!" yelled Ozzie, pointing a stubby finger in the direction of the bushes. Calmly, I sighed and decided to walk into the bushes (I could have flown if I chose to do so). Whatever it was, the two of us could handle it. Sure, it had beaten back Ozzie, but it's not like that's a great accomplishment. I've known housecats that have defeated "the Great One".

As I entered the woods, I saw a disheveled mess of what appeared to be a boy. Instantly my maternal instincts kicked into high gear, and with a gentle coo I knelt down and examined him.

"Aww, he's so cute!" I crooned. The blue-skinned demon beside me, who for convenience's sake I shall call Slash (trust me, if I knew his real name, I'd call him that), merely crossed his arms and frowned. The boy shook himself and stood up. His head reached up to my chin, so he must've been fairly young.

"Wh, where am I?" asked the boy, and the accent in his voice startled me. He did not have the cute squeak that most boys his age had, nor did he have the awkward groan of a male entering puberty. No, this boy's voice was... rough somehow, as if his vocal abilities had matured into adulthood. He had barely spoken three words, and yet I could tell that he had a commanding presence to him.

I smiled softly at the boy and rubbed his hair. He jerked back, like I thought he would. So, he really is just a child...

"You're in a forest canyon near the village of Truce," I told him. The boy frowned, and gave me a bemused look.

"I don't know what that is," he said. I frowned; perhaps he had came from a very, very foreign land, and didn't know what Truce was. Or perhaps he had been stricken with amnesia.

"You're in the Kingdom of Guardia," said Slash emptily. He sounded like he was addressing the trees instead of the kid. The young one scratched his head cutely, obviously confused. I smiled sadly and touched his icy blue hair again. Icy blue hair... Hello, there. My name is Flea. I have fiery red hair. Isn't that funny? Ice and fire... say, maybe we can be friends!

"Aw, poor thing," I crowed. "Did you bump your head or something?" At the mention of his head, the young one cradled his cranium, wincing a little.

"Yeah, I did actually hurt myself," he reported. I clicked my tongue and sighed sympathetically.

"It's okay," I assured him. "You must've been hit with amnesia." But at the mention of the memory-stealing sickness, the boy shook his head and even scowled at me.

"No! I don't have amnesia! I remember everything!" I pursed my lips as he made his little tantrum, and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

"Okay, okay... If you say so..." The little boy snorted, and took the time to examine his surroundings.

"Humph, it's warm here. We must not be in the sky. And you said this was... Truce? Right?"

"Right." Inwardly, I began to grow puzzled. Warm? Must not be in the sky? Huh? The boy paused, obviously trying to think.

"Hm... Umm, did a young lady come by this area? She's taller and older than I am, but she's very pretty and smart. She's got the same-colored hair as I do, and she's wearing a dazzling purple robe like me." I paused and racked my brain for anybody matching that description.

"Nobody matching that description has ever lived here," said Slash blankly. "You are the first."

"Why do you say that?" asked the boy. My blue-skinned comrade gazed down at him coldly.

"You can use magic, correct?"

"Yeah."

"And this lady, she can use magic as well, correct?"

"Yeah."

"I thought as much." Slash paused, and gazed up at the canopy of leaves. He said nothing, but a low humming sound came from his mouth.

"Why do you say that nobody like Schala has been here?" asked the boy. So, her name is Schala. She must either be a friend, his cousin, or his sister, because he wouldn't address his mother like that.

"Because there are no humans that live in this world that can perform the magic arts," informed Slash, his deep voice as mysterious as always. He kept his gaze at the sky.

"Then I must not be a human," concluded the boy. Slash snorted, but I let out a cheery smile.

"Must not be!" I exclaimed. "No human could do to Ozzie what you did!"

"Oh, was that the big fat tub of lard who tried to attack me?" snorted the boy. I chuckled politely.

"Yes. His name is Ozzie. Oh, excuse me, my name is Flea, and this one over here is called Slash." The boy nodded at the names. "And you, young sir? Do you have a name?" For the briefest of moments, I saw a tiny sparkle in his eye. Something was there, something... different. It was strange, that glimmer in his eye... but... I liked it, whatever it was.

"Yes, I do," he said. "Just call me Magus, please." I smiled, even though inwardly I was shivering.

Obviously, this boy knew something that we did not.

----------

Time passed, and young master Magus was growing out of his boyhood.

My little crush on him grew into love.

(Just don't tell anybody else!)

The handsome young man, about fourteen years old now, stood upright as he read the incantation. His pale lips moved, even though no sound came from them. Strangely enough, though, his eyes were closed. No amateur magician could recite spells like the ones in that book with their eyes closed. As I watched my young master (sigh...) chant, a bright, burning flash came from his palms. Something red and orange in color erupted from his hand, and flew halfway across the room before smacking into the wall.

A devastating crater was the only thing that remained.

"Impressive," was all Slash could say. I put my hands to my hips, ready to defend my lord and master.

"And I suppose you could do better?" The blue one glanced at me, silvery eyes digging into my own. A smile came upon his mouth, though I knew that Slash was far from happy or amused.

"I am not a wizard," he stated. "But even one such as I can discern between something ordinary and something astounding." I sighed, glowering coolly as I returned his glare. He snorted and resumed staring into space. But as much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. Even a swordsman like Slash knew how uninspiring master Magus' magic was. As for myself, the resident magician, I tried my hardest to encourage the young man. After all, I was...

"Oh, that?" hissed Magus, rubbing his nose with his thumb. "That was probably just a sneeze, or a reflex. If you want to see what I'm truly capable of, please step outside." Master Magus glared gleefully at us, his teeth glowing a haunting shine. I shivered, and realized once again how utterly attractive and mysterious he was.

"Does Master Magus have something to show us today?" burped a voice from behind. I didn't even have to bat an eye to know that the voice belonged to old Ozzie. Sure enough, one grueling second later, the green bucket of fat floated past me, laughing about something nonsensical.

"Perhaps," was the only thing Master Magus said. I tried desperately to not fawn as he smiled back at us. I didn't want anyone to know that......

(Sigh...) I'm a man. A male. An XY genus. I have an Adam's Apple. These breasts, they're genetic dysfunctions. Lots of demons and Mystics have genetic dysfunctions. This is mine. But I do look very beautiful. I look VERY beautiful. Power is beauty, and I have the power.

"Apple of mother earth's eye, radiance of the core of the planet, inferno from the belly of the raging world... Give me your power!!! FIRE2!!" I snapped out of my trance, amazed at what I saw. A ring of intense heat was surrounding my lord and master, and it continued growing larger and larger. A massive wave of ash and smoke was left in its burning wake.

"Holy moly!" spat Ozzie. "Now that was something!!"

"Yes," whispered Slash, obviously stunned. I grinned with joy, my ruby eyes shining with love--no, pride... They shined with pride as I saw my master and student perform a move that I had helped him with. Not taught--for some peculiar reason, he knew how to command and control the flames even before I met him. He just needed my assistance to... draw out this more intense attack.

"Well done, young master!" I cheered. Master Magus looked at his trio of lackeys and smiled coolly. Without saying a word, he went back inside Ozzie's castle to continue his studies. I sighed as I saw my dear Magus--NO, my worthy student... yes, my student and master reenter the castle. Of course I loved him, like one brother loves another.

I would have done anything for him.

I made a hissing sound as I stared at my defiant body in the mirror. >From top to bottom, from back to front, I looked like a woman. In the privacy of my own little room, I had completely disrobed, taking even the bands in my flaming hair out. My wild locks of blood and crimson now flowed freely to my waist, cascading like the river Styx.

I didn't smile at all as I viewed over my insufficient and traitorous body. I looked like a woman on the outside, but I was a man--I had to be a man, I just had to be! How else would Master Magus accept me? He had said that women were weak and useless, and too emotional. I was none of that!! I was strong--for him. I was integral--for him. I was reasonable--for him. I was not a woman!

My eyes wanted to say otherwise. There was no Adam's Apple in my throat, no body hair on my arms or legs or chest. Two spherical mammary glands mocked me as I glared at them, and a scornful crotch sounded the final bell that marked my body a woman's. But this I did not accept--this I did hate!

In a shriek of rage, I shattered the mirror with a glare, and the beautiful illusion of a woman died with it. No, I was not a woman. A man. I was a strong, logical, useful man, under the care and company of the great Master Magus. I loved him as a brother would, not as.........

I am not a woman. I'm a guy. I'm a GUY!! I'm no girl!!

----------

Years passed.

Or, at least I thought so. Oh, my dearest Magus, how you would have loved to see me fight. I was magnificent. I was incredible. I was unstoppable. I was... strong. I was... useful. I was... logical. I was everything you wanted out of a servant. Everything. And... even as I was defeated (to this day I have no idea why that happened), even as I was losing my life, I kept you in my thoughts...

Kept you in my thoughts always, my friend.

A shimmering aura of light struck my eyes, and a soothing, refreshing feeling took over my body. Gentle hands of cherubs massaged my every wound and kissed my every scar, til' my body was whole and complete. I faintly remembered someone chanting a Cure spell.

"You seem okay, Sir Flea," croaked a familiar voice. Grunting, I shook my head and looked at my benefactor. A hideous grin met my eyes, and I groaned as I recognized the stench. Ozzie. Why did it have to be Ozzie?

"As do you," I noted, the bitterness unhidden. Ozzie snorted and spat something out. Groaning, I stood up and reflexively took off my mantle. Despite the fact that he KNEW I was a man, Ozzie whistled rudely.

"Hubba hubba, I'm glad I revived you!" With a snort, I aimed my hand at him and chanted a Wind spell.

"I suggest you hide your big fat bloated self," I growled. He grinned sheepishly and held his palms out in defense.

"Okay, sorry!!" I sighed, relinquished the spell, and examined my surroundings.

"Where are we?" I asked, seeing nothing but foggy darkness. Ozzie sighed and became serious for once.

"Master Magus... is defeated..."

"NO!!!!!!!!!! That CANNOT be!!!" Upon hearing the terrible lie, I grabbed hold of the monster's collar and nearly choked the beast. "Say you are lying, or I will crush your windpipe with my bare hands!!!"

"Ack, no, don't!!" He squirmed, but I had a death grip on him.

"It's not a lie," came a deep voice from the left of me. I turned my head, seeing Slash materialize out of nowhere. That sword he used to carry, the Slasher (hence his name), was nowhere to be found.

"What do you mean?" I growled. Slash pointed to the fog surrounding us.

"This used to be Master Magus' castle," he indicated, "but now it is only a fading memory. There is nothing here, not even the soil upon which the castle was built. Everything, including the master, is gone." Quietly, Slash's cold face grew soft, and a dejected look appeared on his emotionless features. Of course, I was almost bawling.

"It's... true, then," I whispered. Shivering, I released Ozzie from my grasp, and knelt down on the floor in agony. So, all that time we spent together, all the things we went through and learned, all the plans we had made, all the wars we fought... It was all for this, this black, empty fog. This mist, empty of all life save for three rejected demons, was the final reward, the final result, the end of our efforts.

I felt like killing myself, but I actually cried instead.

"A man must not cry in times of darkness," advised Slash, pressing his steely hand on my shoulder. I swallowed, sniveling lightly. Of course. Men aren't supposed to weep. They are supposed to be strong, like steel. They are supposed to persevere. They are supposed to rise above it all. At least, that's what Slash said.

"Hey, he's right!" pointed Ozzie. "We need to move on! Yeah!! Continue the Mystic movement! Master Magus would want it that way!!"

"True," said Slash, stoic as ever. I wiped the tears out of my eyes (Master Magus, I cannot help but love you...) and stood, clenching my fist.

"No, we will do more than continue the Mystic movement!" I hissed. "We will improve upon it! We shall expand, we shall inflate, we shall spread a curse of darkness and evil over this land, the likes of which have never been seen before! We shall avenge Master Magus by destroying every last human on this planet!!!"

"Huzzah!!" cried Ozzie. "Huzzah! Long live Magus! Long live the Mystics! Long live Lavos!" He rallied us in a cheer, and even Slash loaned his voice for the cause. I snarled, insane with glee and malice, despondent with grief and sadness.

----------

When I saw him next, I cried--not for joy or sorrow, but with anger. I noted, in no

polite terms, that he was now cavorting with humans--and that frog!

"Master Magus!" I hissed. I was absolutely infuriated at him, at them, at everything... I wanted to ask him why he betrayed us, why he was helping these humans, why he was now fighting against us, those who rescued and reared him, those who followed his every order and command... why he, why, why, why...

"So who did you bribe to get in here?!" I demanded. Well, I had to start somewhere. We fought--the Master and I. I did not cry once. I never faltered. I was not weak, nor was I useless, nor was I emotional... I was everything he had ever wanted, everything he ever desired, and I used it against him... I was his ideals, his image, I was his everything, and I was defeated.

But I persevered like a man should, and I escaped for the time. I escaped, ran, hid--waited to join my comrades. Master Ozzie with his fireproof pants (Hehe, a little addition he had made!), Slash with his improved sword, I with my vest... We were literally unstoppable.

But I knew--no, I hoped that Master Magus would win. Secretly, I wanted us to lose, I wanted all this madness to stop. Curse me, I was getting weak--there goes that ugly woman side of me. No, I was a man.

A strong man.

One who was not useless.

I am... Flea.

Struggling from the strain of battle... or perhaps from heartbreak... I collapsed on the floor yet again, and passed out. Really, though, I wasn't that injured. Master Magus, though he fought well, did not unleash his full potential on us, not even on Ozzie, who had gone insane and...... darkness.

----------

I was not quite dead, though I was pretty close. I was still lying on the floor, starving and cold and slightly wet from blood. Bruises and bumps were scattered over my body like spots on a Dalmatian. My mantle was almost as red as my hair, and my hair was a dark vermilion shade. I shivered from shock, and my breath became thin. But, I was okay. Really. I was probably going to make it. Not like Ozzie, poor dope. I didn't care too much for him, but I was sorry to see him go. Oh, well.

My pointed ears twitched, and the sounds of footsteps echoed across the corridor. Somebody, or something, was walking around the manor. Now they were getting louder, and closer. They were approaching. Louder, and closer. Louder. Closer. Please let it be anything but another Mystic. If they saw me in this condition, the movement would die. Not that it hadn't already.

The footsteps approached and stopped, and from my position on the floor, I could see the person who had made them. A sad sigh escaped my lips as I recognized the pointy brown boots. My crimson eyes climbed up his body, and I saw his dark-blue leggings and his vest. His midnight-blue cape made no movement in the windless manor, nor did his gorgeous silvery-blue hair. Pale skin glowed with an unholy light as it faced me. I could not prevent the smile on my mouth as my ruby eyes met his.

"Master Magus," I croaked. Emotionless and cold as always, Magus snorted at my beaten appearance.

"Why did you three attack me?" he asked, his powerful voice putting strength back into my body. I struggled to speak.

"We were... angry. We... felt betrayed by you. We felt like... nothing more than pawns."

"I thought you were," he replied. I mentally kicked myself, laughing so cruelly I cried. Of course. We had been his cannon fodder all this time. We were his hands, and he was the brain. He just... used us to his benefit. We knew this when we signed on, but...

"We were just... confused, I guess. I... don't know if you could understand or not..." Suddenly, without my asking, he bent down and lifted my beaten body from the ground. Even though I was a man, I could not help but blush. (Mekratrig forgive me, but he's beautiful...)

"Flea, where's Slash?" he asked. I swallowed and shrugged.

"I have no clue. I hope he's okay." A pause. Master Magus hummed softly, scanning the area for my comrade.

"Flea, I have some things to tell you, now that you're, well, alive," he said darkly. I sighed, and somehow managed to stand. My mantle, forever ruined from the blood I had leaked, was flattened on the floor.

"Yes?" Master Magus, never one for words, sighed and leaned up against the wall. I noticed that he did not have his scythe.

"I'm human, Flea," he blurted, and I instantly blanched. He paused, and focused his attention in my direction. For what seemed like weeks, he stood there looking at me. Normally a pleasurable experience, but... after what he had said...

"Oh." He snorted and tilted his head slightly--his way of laughing.

"My real name is Janus," he spat. "Janus, of the kingdom of Zeal. I originally came from the year 12,000 B.C., which is why I was so adept at using magic. I am the son of the Queen, and the stepbrother of princess Schala."

"Oh, isn't she the one you were looking for?" I asked. A thin pause.

"Yes." I nodded my head, knowing right then and there that he had never found her again.

"And you never found her." Another thin pause.

"No." I sighed, nodding my head in confusion. Magus, dear Master Magus, was giving me such a good period of absorbing this information. It took me about ten minutes to register everything he had said. Of course, I knew it was all true. Had to be.

"What about Lavos?" I asked.

"I wanted to kill him for sending me to this rotten place," he snorted. Another good pause for me.

"I see. So, you were using us to increase your power, so that one day you could..."

"Yes."

"...So you were never against the humans, am I right?" A very disturbing pause followed. Magus swallowed sharply.

"Sometimes," he replied. I paused, and nodded my head.

"I see."

"I also know something, Flea," he said. I tilted my head and looked at him in wonder.

"What's that?"

"That you're really a woman." I grimaced, and blanched yet again at his declaration. How did he know?! HOW?!?!? I... I kept it so well hidden! I denied everything! I followed every order, performed every duty... How? How long had he... known?

"I..." was all this weak demon could say. Magus--no, not Janus--snorted and tilted his head... but suddenly, he did something that chilled the blood in my veins. In all my hundreds of years, I had never witnessed such a horrible event.

Master Magus began to laugh out loud.

"You thought that I couldn't tell?!" he stated, chuckling sharply. I quivered with fear as I saw his face contort in a smile, and his eyes beam with delight. His laugh scared me. "You honestly thought that I couldn't tell!? Oh, Flea, did you think I was that naïve? Did you think I was so foolish?"

"No! No, Master Magus!!" He snorted, and laughed again, only lower than before. A little better.

"Flea, I may have been young when you first found me, but I was not so young that I didn't know what a woman looked like. Please! I grew up with a sister and a mother, so did you honestly believe that you could fool me??"

"I... I... I'm sorry..." Right then, I choked. Or maybe I snapped; either way, I could no longer hold myself together. I tried to escape, tried to run away (don't ask me why), but all I managed to do was run into walls. I sighed, and noticed that I had started to cry. No, stop--oh, well. It's too late now. You should know better, Flea. You should know better than to try and fool the Great Magus!

I shivered as I felt a hand on my bare shoulder. Turning around, I saw him: the adorable child I had found and raised, the cute boy I had taught, the young man whom I respected, the powerful wizard I loved... Magus let out some air, and gazed into my blood-red eyes with crimson orbs of his own.

"Flea," said he, "it's all right. That was a test of loyalty, my dear. A test of supreme loyalty that you passed. But... the test is over now, so drop the illusion." He pursed his lips in a dead gaze, and suddenly gave me a chillingly warm smile. My heart, or what was left of it, melted as I saw him genuinely smile.

"Yes, Master," I said. He snorted, never one to cling onto a positive emotion for long, and turned to walk away. "Oh, wait! Where are you going?"

"Do you know where Slash is yet?" he asked. I moaned softly, weakly, and sighed.

"I want to believe that he made it, but no, I don't know where he is." A pause. Master Magus, in his usual style, never turned his head as he spoke to me.

"Then unless you can find him in the next five minutes, I'm going to leave this castle and this time period for good. I'm going to return to my own period, and I'm going to search for my sister." And with that, he began to slowly walk away. His cape started blowing, even though no wind passed through these walls.

"Why did you come here in the first place?" I asked. He continued walking.

"I had to come back for you two," he said. "That's why I came here in the first place. I couldn't just leave you cretins behind now, could I?"

"No," I smiled, allowing a chuckle to escape. I could have sworn that I heard my Master chuckle as well.

"You're free to come along with me if you want, my lady," he said. Needing no further invitation, I squealed with delight and ran to catch up with him. In a fit of girlish glee, I grabbed hold of his arm and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Oops," I said as I saw his face. I let go of him and rubbed my neck in shame. Surprisingly, though, he snorted and tilted his head to the side.

"No, it's okay. I know how you feel about me as well." My face turned as red as my hair as I heard him, and he began snorting. A smile crept up on him, and I shyly took hold of his arm again. Together (sigh...) we left Ozzie's old castle, and quietly headed towards the future, and the past, side by side, faces by faces.

Closing comments: Yeah, I know it's unorthodox, but that's the way I work. Some people think outside the box; I don't even know what "the box is". As for Flea's little prayer to Mekratrig, that name is not made up. In Robert Heinlein's Job: A Comedy of Errors (I hope I got that right), Satan's name is Mekratrig. I figured that a demon like Flea would pray to such a dark name, so......