Well, it looks like that time has finally come. Andrew Kaufmann is returning to host Q&AK! My name is Brian Glick, and I've been the temporary host of this column for the past week or two. I've had a great time hosting, especially with the wonderful fans there are out there reading this. I've learned a lot, and hopefully I'll be back to host next time Andy decides that becoming a teen idol for his adoring female fans is more important than hosting this column. (Hey...wait. He may have something going there...)

   Anyway, look for me around the rest of RPGamer, especially once we get full swing into reader reviews and I get to force--err, share my opinion with you some more. Enjoy the latest installment of Q&BG! (No, that never DID sound right...)

Q: I am a huge fan of rpgamer.com, truly the best RPG site on the entire net. However, one thing troubles me. You have the script for Secret of Mana, Chrono Trigger, and several other games, but not FF7 or Secret of Evermore. Sure, for FF7 you've got translations but that doesn't satisfy me enough.
   I don't really care about SoE, but if you have any plans on getting a complete script to FF7 like you did Secret of Mana (I like that format better than Chrono Trigger's script format) and Chrono Trigger, please let me know. If not, do you have any idea where I could find one?
   If you get one, I'll give you something in return. I'll reload your page over and over again and skyrocket the number of hits. How about that?

BG: Unfortunately, we didn't write the scripts ourselves. Other selfless fans with far more time on their hands painstakingly typed out the dialogue of the games as they went through it, key after key after key...(I'm getting tired already).
   If any devoted fan wishes to write a script for FF7, it would be more than welcome, and legends of the writer would be sung for days in the halls of RPGamer.

Q: Hey BG
   One::: Are you scared by Shinra, Inc.'s Corporate Site... because the fact that such a company would exist outside of FF7 is kinda strange... We'd better call Mulder and Scully because this is X Files material... Or should I say Materia??? (Insert stupid rim shot here.) :)
   Two::: Why was a playable Janus removed from the US Chrono Trigger??? Or did he even exist in the Japanese version???
   Three::: Did you notice I've used 42 punctuation marks in this letter??? This includes apostrophes and whatever else is not a letter or a number or a space...
   -Cameron Warren

BG: Whoa! That's a shocking site, to say the least. Could Shinra really exist somewhere in the world, and no one knows of their existence, until now?
   The Job Opportunities section there is particularly humorous...I especially like the offering for "Data Librarian Level 4". It looks like this website was put together by some fans with quite a bit of creativity (not to mention time).
   I think you've been hearing rumors, my friend. Unless I've been sorely mistaken, there's absolutely no way you can play as Janus (or Schala, for that matter) in either version of Chrono Trigger. Of course, you can always play as an older Janus...
   No, I didn't notice you used 42 punctuation marks in this letter. Umm...congratulations. =)

Q: How the heck is "Cid" supposed to be pronounced? I've always pronounced it like the name Sid, but in the Final Fantasy anime (dubbed version) "Mid" is pronounced Meed. So is it pronounced Sid or Seed? (Or, possibly, Kid or Keed for that matter).

BG: That's a good question. I've always pronounced it "Sid" myself, and I imagine the vast majority of the North American market has as well. But then...I always thought it was "Mid" as well, instead of "Meed". Anyone knowledgeable in Japanese translation want to inform AK of the answer? (Snicker, snicker.)

Q: As I was playing FF Tactics, I stumbled across many things from previous games in the FF series, such as the Ghost Train from FF6, the Tower of Babel from FF4(?), and the Mirage Tower from FF1. I also noted that when you go through the steps to get Cloud, a character from FF7, he comes by way of time machine. I think it could be possible that the FF series is a complete and continuous storyline. Tell me what you guys (and girls) at RPGamer think about this.

BG: These kind of appearances in Final Fantasy Tactics were jokes more than anything else. Especially the whole Cloud/Aerith thing in the game, it was never meant to be taken seriously. The Final Fantasy series has thrived from being a unique world and timeline with each new title, just as Squaresoft intended it.

Q: Couple o' quick question: How the heck do they figure out the estimated playing time when a new game comes out? The ads always say something like "50+ Hours of gameplay". What if someone's really good and beats the game within 30 hours, could they sue for false advertisement?
   -Einskalder

BG:
Lawyer :

"Your honor, my client is claiming a suit of false advertisement against Square Co. of Japan. Their false claim of 50 plus hours caused my client considerable mental and physical anguish when he completed Final Fantasy VI in 43 hours. Towards retribution for that suffering, we are requesting no less than $4 million dollars be paid in damages."

"Request granted. I only got 39 hours myself out of the darn thing..."

Q: Subject: NO! AK bad, BG good! BG must usurp command of Q&AK!
   I don't want AK back, man! You at least update the letters section more than once every century! You have to take permanent command using any means possible! I suggest sending "Helga", AK's 637 lbs. "admirer" after AK.
   -The President of the Big Lick Fan Club

BG: This is honestly a letter I received prior to even announcing that Andy's returning to host. And the scary thing is, it's not the only one! My fans are so devoted they were able to sense psychically that this would be my last article, at least for a while.
   Hey, it won't be so bad having AK back! I've made him promise (on threat of Helga) that he has to update at least as often as I did. And I'll write a letter every so often as well...I'm going to miss this column, too, even though I haven't been here for that long. Just look for me elsewhere, especially in the reviews that I mentioned earlier.
   That's it! This is Brian "Big Lick" Glick, signing off, and riding off into the sunset...(Yes, that Lone Ranger thing again.)