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Letter Ought One. |
Again! Again, I must come to your aid because you are a fool, Mr. Martin. Your primitive server technology failed you and now you have no recourse but to whine like a Japanese schoolgirl in a tentacle factory. Pah! I laugh at your misfortune (again). Here are some questions.
1. What is the longest role-playing game that you've ever played? 2. I am unable to find the tattoo parlor in Shenmue! Where is it? 3. Did you take my oscillating neutron accelerator and use it for obscene purposes? -Professor Cranium |
Cheshire Catalyst: |
Letter Ought Two |
Nihao! *Giggle* Did you like that? It's Chinese! I learned Chinese after killing "HongKongMan". Isn't it cool?!
I've got some questions! I love playing video games all day. Once, Roll stole my Dreamcast and used it as spare parts for her damaged [CENSORED]. I got Sooooooooooo mad! I shot her arm off with my Mega-buster! *Giggle* Roll didn't scream too much though. She's such a good sport. 1. How do I beat Wood Man? His leaf shield too mighty to penetrate!
-Megaman |
Cheshire Catalyst: |
Letter Ought Three |
Good afternoon, Christopher
Didn't think I'd ever get the hang of this "internet" thing, did you? Naughty boy. You're back in my clutches again! It's me! Sister Mildred! Your Second Grade Sunday school teacher. I have some... questions for you. 1. What did you give up for lent?
-Sister Mildred |
Cheshire Catalyst: Sweet, merciful heaven she's back to torture me. 1. Ummm... pass. 2. I'm afraid to know how you found that out, Sister Mildred. Why couldn't you be docile and naive like Sister Burns? 3. WHO TOLD!? WHO THE HELL TOLD!? (Beats self with ruler) Ow! Ow! OW! 4. Someone better evacuate "Spencer's Gifts". And I mean pronto. |
If you want a real column, send in letters. |
Letter Ought Four |
Hey, Loser!
It's me. Adam Morgan! The bully from fifth grade. I've got some questions for ya... 1. Why are you such a fag?
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Cheshire Catalyst: 1.Stop it... leave me alone.2. Hey!... Give it back...C'mon! Give iiiiiiit! 3. ;_; Shut-up. You're the loser. 4. Mrs. Chesler!!!!!! Adam's picking on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
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Why haven't you called?
-Chris's Ex-Girlfriend |
Next, please. | |||
Um, Hi!
I'm a student at Tokyo community college... and I was wondering... Where do you keep your stockpiled AK-47's? - A complete stranger who does not even know Queen Beryl. |
Behind the shed, in the locked metal case. | |||
Why haven't you called?
-Chris's Mom. |
Uhhh... I've just been REALLY busy. |
The Last Laugh: See what happens when the server breaks? I get letters from all kinds of freaks. Send in your letters now, you lovable guys you. |
Chesh"I won't tolerate any more failures!"@rpgamer.com
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